Big Girls Don't Cry
by LizzyCullen1995
Summary: Yes. Yes, you should die. You want to die. He told me in a sickly sweet tone.   I really don't think I do. After that my head hurt so bad that I wanted to scream. I knew it was him causing the pain.   First Finding Sky FF. :
1. Prologue

Big Girls Don't Cry.

Prologue

I was supposed to do something. What was I supposed to do? _Run. Scream. Whatever it takes to get you shot. _Right. I was supposed to do that. But I didn't want to do that. I wanted to stay here with Trace, Uriel and Will, where I'd be safe. My brother's wouldn't let anyone hurt me, not even myself.

_But I want to stay alive. _I said to the man who kept talking to me in my head. He overpowered my mind, like a lion overpowered a mouse, but my mind 'wall' was strong. It was going to take a lot to break through it. I knew if the man did break through it, I would do anything he told me to, regardless.

_No you don't. _The man spat at me. He was so...nasty.

_But I do. I know I do. _I was trying to convince myself as well as the nasty man. _You want to get shot, don't you, Alexis? _The nasty man asked me. I didn't know what to say. He seemed trustworthy though. His unhealthy looking, orange skin and his unnaturally white teeth, his slicked back hair and multiple watches, rings and gold chain necklace convinced me further that he was right. Perhaps I did want to kill myself. Perhaps I should die.

_**Yes. Yes, you should die. You want to die. **_**He told me in a sickly sweet tone. **_**I really don't think I do. **_**After that my head hurt so bad that I wanted to scream. I knew it was him causing the pain.**

My hand shot out and grabbed Trace's arm and my nails dug into his skin, until he swatted my hand away. "What the hell, Alexis?" Trace snapped before he realised that I really didn't mean it. My eyesight was blurring, my forehead was dripping with sweat, my legs shaking violently, my hands scrunching into fists. I must have looked terrible. "Alexis, what's wrong?" Will asked me. He'd been standing behind me with one hand on my shoulder but now he was kneeling down in front of me.

"He's hurting me." I stated as loudly as I could.

"Who's hurting you baby?" Trace asked this time. I didn't understand why they were worrying...the nasty man would stop hurting me soon. As if he wanted to make it clear he wasn't going to stop, he increased the pain in my head, making my legs buckle and my eyes fill with tears. _What did I tell you before?_

_Big girls don't cry._

_Well done._

"Who's hurting you, Alexis?" Trace asked again. All my brother's were crouching now. But Uriel wasn't there. He'd gone.

"_The nasty man in my head." I whimpered_. The pain. It was getting unbearable. "Where's Xav?" I asked quietly. He would be able to stop the pain, he always stops the pain. Why was the nasty man hurting me? He didn't have to keep hurting me.

The chaos Sky had been causing just a few yards from where we were had stopped. I tried to focus my eyes on Sky and Zed, because there was someone just behind them who I couldn't focus on properly, and I thought that if they moved then maybe they other person would come into focus.

I saw Victor practically jumping with glee, well...I think it was Victor. He was almost skipping towards us, when he started to run. He skidded to a halt right in front of me. "Alexis? Alexis, what's wrong?" Yep, that was Victor. If my eyes weren't moving in and out of focus quicker than you could say I've found my soulfinder, then I would have been certain that my brothers were tearing up. I noticed Zed and Sky running towards us, and out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Xav, Uriel, Mum and Dad coming towards us as well.

"Alexis!" Victor shouted at me. "Alexis, what the hell is wrong?"

"The nasty man...he's hurting...my head." I croaked.

"Sweetheart? Baby, can you hear me?" Dad asked.

"Daddy." I whispered. "Daddy, where...are you?"

"I'm here baby, I'm here." Dad said. His warm wrapped around mine, and I was able to focus on his face. Seeing his face was like a small gas lamp being lighted in a never ending darkness; uplifting. I smiled slightly but my smile soon faltered when I realised who was about to be lead past us by two policeman each. The nasty man and his nasty children.

"Alexis, who's the nasty man?" Victor asked me. Why so many questions? It hurt my head even more. The nasty man and his children were about to walk past us. I focused my eyes on his orange face; he smiled evilly at me before nodding to the rest of my family. As he was escorted past our little gathering I managed to say in a feeble sliver of a voice, 'Him' before I succumbed to the pain the man was making me endure.

I rested my head back on the lap whoever was kneeling behind me and I let myself fall into a deep, black bottomless pit of unconsciousness.


	2. Gossip Girl

I'm not the kind of person who makes a fool of myself very often. But, when I do, I HUMILIATE myself. I'm not the kind of person who creates a drama very often. But, when I do, I draw EVERYONE'S eyes to the scene.

Today, I was hoping that neither of those things were going to happen.

But they did.

What a great start to my year as a sophomore. But, Maddy Taylor got embarrassed as well... so I suppose something went right.

In the canteen at lunch, I slipped on something. My food tray went flying in the air, and landed on the person behind me (that was the humiliation part). Fortunately, it was Maddy Taylor, who I hated. Unfortunately, she was a popular, and I was and am still the only proper loner in the school.

I screamed as soon as I slipped over.

Maddy screamed as soon as the food landed in her hair.

Once she'd stopped hyperventilating about the fact that there was some food in her _precious _bleach blonde hair and the fact that because some of it was on her face, she would have to reapply her make-up, she hit me.

I was expecting that; I knew even though I was on the floor, already in pain, she would hit or kick me. I wasn't expecting myself to turn around and push her hard enough to make her fall over though (that was the causing a scene part).

"**YOU STUPID BITCH**!" Maddy screamed at me.

I was speechless.

"**WHY AREN'T YOU SAYING ANYTHING, HUH? ARE YOU SCARED? WANT TO BE HELPED BY YOUR FRIENDS? OH WAIT, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY**!" Maddy was shouting really loudly, but the abuse that went along with the shouting was shockingly shit. It was hurting my ears. I was used to the abuse. Not the shouting.

I still didn't say anything.

So she slapped me on the cheek. I could tell that there was a big red mark on my face, shaped like Maddy's hand, now. _Great_. The slap shocked me, but not enough to stop myself from standing up and slapping Maddy back.

I ran after that.

I left school. The police would be calling mum and dad later; that happened all the time last year when I decided school wasn't a good place for me to be at the time. But since Trace was a policeman, then they went pretty light on me.

I reached Brenda's after half an hour of running. _Alexis? _That was Zed. That meant he knew I wasn't in school... which meant news had got out about me and Maddy fighting...which meant Yves would probably know. If Yves knew then, Mum and Dad would soon find out. If Mum and Dad found out, then my other big brothers, who were staying until the weekend would find out, which meant I would be in trouble for fighting.

They would definitely be angry because that was the first time I'd hit someone back at school. I never hit back.

_Alexis, answer back. _Zed ordered. _Alexis, please. Mum and Dad don't know yet. _The moment Zed said that, I knew he was lying. He wouldn't have said that otherwise. That also meant I was going to be bombarded with family members asking me where I was.

I threw up my mental wall. Wendy brought my usual cup of coffee over to me, without me even having to order. That was a sign that I went there too much. "What's wrong, honey?" Wendy asked.

"I got into a fight at school, and I ran because I'm a coward." My voice cracked a little; a tell-tale sign that I was going to cry.

"Oh, Honey, don't you think you should have gone and found Zed or Yves. They'd protect you."

"Yeah right."  
"Honey, I don't understand how you can't believe that. Those boys, in fact all 7 of your big brothers, they would do anything for you. Anyone can see that. I've never seen such a close family in my life, honey... and I'm pretty old."

"I'm sure you're not, Wendy."

"I'll let you into a little secret... I've worked here since this place was opened, and that was 1964."

"How old were you then?" I asked.

"If I told you that, I might as well tell you how old I actually am, and I'm not doing that." Wendy smiled and winked at me before getting up. "Speak to your brothers, honey." She told me, before walking off.

I knew Wendy was going to phone home. Us Benedict's were well known in the cafe. So I gulped down my coffee, left five bucks on the table and walked out.

Unfortunately for me, not only did a big, black Chevrolet, carrying five of my big brothers find me walking the streets, but so did Yves and Zed who appeared on their bikes moments later.

"Alexis!" Yves shouted, just as the Chevrolet stopped in an empty parking space on the road.

I didn't answer.

"Alexis, stop walking." Trace commanded.

I didn't stop walking.

Zed caught up with me. He walked alongside me for a while; he'd obviously dumped his bike next to the Chevvy. My other brothers were just behind. "What happened?"  
"She hit me, I pushed her over, she hit me again, so I hit her back, and then I ran all the way to Brenda's." I replied, in a neutral, emotionless tone.

"Why'd she hit you?" Zed asked. His voice was calm, quiet and gentle. It didn't make me want to talk to him any more though.

"I slipped over, and my food fell on her."

"You going to come home?" Zed asked ANOTHER question. Why did he have to keep doing that?

"No. I don't want to." I was being a bit stroppy.

"Ok, let me know, when you want to come home. I'll come get you, okay?" That surprised me. But I nodded anyways. "I love you, angel. Come home soon." And with that Zed turned around. I heard him say, "Leave her for a while, she'll be alright." before the rest of my brothers turned around.

They **actually** left me alone.

They **NEVER** left me alone.

**Never.**

I turned to see them getting in the car. They started to drive away, and I collapsed to the floor in tears, because now...now I was truly alone. But the car screeched to halt... Yves and Zed turned their bikes around. I was soon surrounded by my brothers, and before I knew it, I was in the back of the car being hugged by Will.

Mom didn't shout at me when I walked into the house. She just looked at me and smiled apologetically. Dad did the same. At least they weren't going to shout at me today. That was good.

I woke up the next morning, to see my Dad sitting on the side of my bed. He moved closer to me when he realised my eyes were open. "Good Morning, Darling." He said ever so gently, with a smile to match his tone. "Good Morning, Daddy." I yawned.

"I wanted to let you know, that me and your mother aren't going to punish you for yesterday. But... your school might; we've got a meeting with the principal. He didn't sound very happy when I spoke to him."

"What time?" I asked, slightly more awake now.

"9 o'clock." Dad told me.

_What's wrong, Daddy? _I said to him. When we spoke like this, he opened up more because he felt he wasn't admitting something out loud.

_Nothing, my darling daughter. _He smiled at that. He smiled because he wanted to make what he'd said less serious. But I knew he meant it, I was his only daughter out of _eight _children, of course he was more affectionate and caring towards me. I was Mom and Dad's last attempt for a girl. Mom had wanted a little girl after child number 5, Yves and Zed don't mind that they were proper attempts for a girl, but I know it annoys them that they could have had a better relationship with Dad if they were a girl. Being Daddy's little princess had its disadvantages though. It meant a lot of protection, Dad made sure my brothers looked after more than they already did, because he didn't want me to get hurt... didn't seem to help, but I suppose going into snowboarding you were kind of volunteering to go down to the emergency unit at the hospital every few months.

_Ok, I'll get up now. I love you, Daddy. _And with that, I jumped out of bed, went down the hallway, and into the dining room/kitchen/ living room; this part of the house was all open plan. My brothers were all up apart from Xav. He ALWAYS slept in, and was almost always late for everything.

Mom turned to look at me, and smiled. My brothers heads all turned towards me, each of them smiling as well. But they were sad smiles. Painful smiles.

I saw why.

My right cheek was a mixture of colours, but they were all a purple or blue tone. That was where Maddy had hit me. I hoped that I'd damaged that bitch's face pretty good as well.

"From what your principle said, the only injury Maddy got was a split lip." Mom said to me. I'd leaked my thoughts again.

"I drew blood?" I was getting happier.

"Yes, honey you did. It's nothing to be proud of though." Mom told me sternly.

"WOOHOO!" I shouted. I did a small victory dance, entertaining my brothers. My Mom and Dad also joined in the laughter, surprisingly. "I HURT MADDY TAYLOR! I AM SO FREAKING AMAZING!"

"Alexis, honey, calm down and have your breakfast." Mom said calmly, a small smile still on her face. Everyone was at the table now. Even Xav, who must have appeared at some point during my victory dance.

So we sat.

And we ate.

And we talked... mostly about my possible suspension.

"The first Benedict girl gone bad." Will joked.

"There are only two Benedict girls to go bad, Will." I said to him, matter of factly.

"Er, what about Holly and Aunty Maria?" Will said; he was only trying to annoy me.

"Shut up, freak." I said to him nastily, and carried on eating breakfast, ignoring the stern looks I was getting off of Mom and Dad.

"Alexis, what do you thinks going to happen if you do get suspended?" Uriel asked; he the most gentle (apart from Yves) of my brothers.

"Maddy Taylor should get suspended as well. So both our permanent records will look bad." I answered back.

"No I mean, what will you do if you get suspended?" Uriel asked again.

"I'll be upset. I'm the little loner girl with no friends, I'm not supposed to do gossip worthy stuff, like get suspended." I looked back to Uriel; he looked at me like I'd said something hurtful. "What?" I asked defensively.

"Stop putting yourself down, Alexis; I don't like it." Uriel said.

"There's a difference between stating a fact, and putting yourself down, Uriel."

"You're not the little loner girl." Uriel said... he was clearly getting more irritated with me by the second.

"I have no friends. I am short. Hence the nickname, little loner girl." I told him, it shut him up. It shut all of my brothers up. They didn't like me saying stuff about myself, but at least I was being honest with them, I was telling the truth.

After breakfast me, Zed and Yves went to get changed for school. I was told to put on a nice dress and make myself presentable. I hoped that wasn't an indication that every other day I went to school, I wasn't presentable. I decided on a lilac summer dress, even though it was autumn. Accompanying my dress was a denim jacket and lilac flats. I swept my wavy, dark brown hair, over one shoulder and fastened it in place with a few hair grips. I kept y make-up minimal; Just foundation, mascara, eye-liner and lip-gloss.

Mom and Dad were quite well dressed as well, Dad in a jacket, shirt, tie and formal looking jeans with smart shoes, and Mom in a Deep purple long sleeved t-shirt with a black mid length skirt with black kitten heels. Trace and Uriel were nice enough to comment on how nice I looked before we left. My other brothers called out a goodbye from the various rooms that they were in.

We were at school soon enough.

As Mom and Dad were going to school with me, Yves and Zed were offered a lift as well. They both jumped at the chance as it meant they could save their petrol for another day. I said my goodbyes to my brothers, and got good lucks back. Dad held out his arm for me to put my arm through it. I did so, and we started walking towards school, my Mom and Dad hand in hand, me holding on to my dad's other arm. We attracted quite a few stares before we got to the principal's office.

Soon it was time for our meeting. I found myself more worried than I thought I would be.

Perhaps fighting the popular girl and running away from the situation wasn't the best option after all.

**A/N.**

**Hey, I'm Lizzy. Finding Sky is my favourite book, and the day after I had finished reading this for the first time I had a dream that I was in a movie of the book, and I was the little sister. Crazy, I know but that's where the idea this story came from. Then I woke up the next day and wrote down everything I could remember, originally Alexis, was called Anastasia, but after sitting down deciding how I was going to name her then I figured that Alexis sounded cuter and more girly. I got really carried away with the planning, and eventually ended up giving a middle name to the 8 Benedict children AND making a whole family tree. That took a lot of time to do, but now I've done it helps me see things clearly, plus I got to flesh out the Benedict's a little more. I think that I should warn you there will be the occasional use of swearing, so if some of you are like :O she swore, then be prepared for the other chapters because a little bit worse in places :D I hope to update soon, because I've written chapter 4 but not chapter 3... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review. Thanks for the reviews so far, you guys are awesome. If you ever need me to answer any questions don't hesitate to private message me on here. OR add me on Facebook; LizzyCullen Fanfiction.**

**P.S. Sorry if my American Terminology isn't quite right. Being British (Like Sky :D) doesn't really help with my fan fiction, as all my characters are American -_-**

**Song Of The Day: Weightless by All Time Low.**


	3. Survivor Girl

You know those moments when you're so angry you feel like killing someone?

I was having one of those moments. The meeting with Principal Richmond had not gone to plan because me AND Maddy had both been expelled for the rest of the week, and now I was sitting in my room, knees drawn up to my chest, arms wrapped round my legs, hands clenched tightly into fists.

Trace knocked on the door; I knew it was him because I could tell by the presence of his mind. I didn't answer.

"Alexis?" He called out.

I still didn't answer.

"Come on baby sister, talk to me."

I didn't talk to him.

"Look, I'm always going to be there if you need me, even when I'm in Denver. I love you." With that, Trace walked away.

All I knew is that I wanted everyone to just go away and stop bothering me. I didn't even want a hug from one of my big brothers.

Yves and Zed came home, and that was when I realised I needed to go out; I'd been sitting on bed all day. So i pushed myself off my bed, and changed into jeans and a superdry hoodie, slipped on a pair of tick socks and some uggs and walked out of my room hurriedly.

My brothers were gathered round the TV watching some kind of awful war movie, and my Mom was sitting on the other part of the open plan lounge reading OK!, and Dad was reading one of his weird books about anything and everything.

I was about to get passed all of them when Mom called to me without taking her eyes off the page. "Where are you going?"

I just carried on walking. Trace started to follow me, but I got to the front door before him and he gave up. I walked all the way into town, before anything interesting began to happen.

I noticed a speeding car in the distance, and instantly replayed the images back to Trace and Victor; it was reflex now, having to do it so often because of my family's position in the savant net.

The car was going so fast that when it turned the corner its left wheels left the ground momentarily. Then I realised something else... it was heading towards me. _Shit! _I screamed in my mind, it would alert all savants in or around the area, and every single member of my family.

The car was getting ever closer, and my body had gone into freeze mode, I couldn't move, it was about to hit me, I was going to die, oh my god I was going to die, and then I was hit.

By a person…tackling me to the ground…and out of harm's way. The car smashed into Mr and Mrs Hsiung's Chinese restaurant. The person that had saved me rolled off me. I sat up, bleeding at the elbows, confused and scared, to find my saviour was Johnny O'Hara.

He was sitting up as well, and panting, he had a graze that was bleeding, which stretched the full length of his forearm. Blood was soaking through his jeans on his left knee. "Are you ok?" He asked breathlessly.

"S-sure, a-are you ok?" I stuttered.

"I'm good." He smiled.

I'd never really noticed boys before. There'd never been anyone I'd particularly liked, or had a crush on, but Johnny O'Hara's smile, changed that. My stomach did somersaults, my mouth went dry, my palms started to get sweaty.

The Johnny's hand reached to my face and wiped away a tear, that had appeared without my permission. "It's going to be ok." He told me gently. I nodded, and looked down at the floor, embarrassed. "Hey." He said, I looked up at him again, "I don't lie, it's going to be ok."

"Thanks." I all but whispered.

"No problem." Johnny smiled again.

There were sirens in the distance. "Looks like our transports here." Johnny joked. I giggled a little at that, he was trying to make light of this whole situation. _ALEXIS! ALEXIS! ALEXIS, GODDAMMIT, ANSWER ME! _Trace roared in my mind. _Trace? _I asked.

_Oh, thank god, oh my god, I thought you were dead._ He was crying, I could tell by the way he was speaking. _I'm fine, just a bit cut up. _I reassured him.

_We're about to get there. Hold on._

_Those aren't you're sirens are they._

_Of course, emergency services don't get there that quick._

As soon as he said that, Trace's blue Chevrolet rolled up, and Trace, Victor and Xav jumped out. A few minutes later, real ambulances and police cars arrived. The paramedics tended to me and Johnny, luckily the Hsiung's weren't hurt, and whoever had been driving the car, had escaped through the back door of the restaurant.

The police took my statement, and told me they would most probably be in contact with me later. It was time for me to go, but Johnny was still there. I didn't want him to be on his own. I told my brothers to wait for me in the car, and I walked up to Johnny who had just finished speaking to a police officer.

"Do you need a lift home or something?" I asked hopefully.

"Oh no thanks, I just called my Mom, she's going to be here in a few minutes." He smiled. My heart sank at his words, but I still managed a smile and nod. I said good bye and then made my way to Trace's car.

I hadn't even sat down and put my seatbelt on before Victor started on me. "I can't believe you, I actually can't believe you. How could you be so selfish?" He hissed.

"Victor, it's not like I asked the car to head towards me was it?"

"You shouldn't have walked out!"

"I was fucking angry."

"Don't swear at me, you selfish little cow."

"Don't speak to me like that, I needed space, you guys wouldn't leave me alone. You ignorant prick."

"DON'T BE RUDE TO ME, ALEXIS!"

"DON'T START ONE ME WHEN I WAS ALMOST KILLED LESS THAN AN HOUR AGO, VICTOR!"

"YOU NEED TO STOP BEING SO SELFISH, AND START THINKING ABOUT THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU!"

"WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO YOU? YOU NEVER LIKED ME!"

"YOU'RE MY SISTER, YOU IDIOT."

"FREAKING WELL ACT LIKE MY BIG BROTHER THEN!"

Xav sighed heavily, and I realised that Trace had been driving faster than usual and we were at home. I didn't really care though, I stopped that when I watched my cousins die when I was 13.

"That's not fair, Alexis." Victor told me calmly.

"DON'T CHANGE YOUR TUNE NOW YOU'RE HOME, VICTOR!"

"Stop it."

I got to the front door, and I opened it before shouting back at Victor; "ONE DAY, EVERYONE'S GOING TO SEE YOU FOR WHO YOU REALY ARE, A SELFISH DICKHEAD, WHO ONLY CARES ABOUT HIS JOB AND HIMSELF!" and with that out of the way, I stormed past the rest of my astounded brothers, and my fuming parents in the lounge and up the stairs to the library where I locked the door, and found the one book that would calm me down.

"La Reina Mora." I breathed. Clutched it to me chest. Sobbed to my heart's content for half an hour. Remembered what Victor was like before he grew up into an insufferable jerk.

"_Lexi, let me read you a story." Vick said, as he walked into my room._

"_Ooh, read me La Reina Mora, that's my favouritest."_

"_I read that to you yesterday." Vick laughed. I liked his laugh._

"_Yeah but it's the best, Vick, you know it's the best to."_

"_Ok, whatever you say, La Reina Mora it is then." Vick laughed again, he had the best laugh out of my big brothers. "YAY! Love you Vick."_

"_Love you to, Lexi."_

I can't remember the last time Victor laughed. Or told me he loved me. Or hugged me. Or read me a story. The world of the FBI had swallowed him whole, and regurgitated him into an emotionless...man, who was detached from me, absorbed in his little brothers, adoring of his big brothers.

"_De colores, de colores se visten los campos, en la primavera,_

_De colores, de colores son los pajaritos que vienen de afuera..."_

I could only remember the first two lines of De colores, Victor's favourite nursery rhyme. He used to sing it to me when I was scared.

He wasn't Victor any more. But La Reina Mora would always be La Reina Mora. It would always be the story that Victor used to read to me when he was nice.

I wish I could talk to Lola, or Grandad Ortiz, but they were gone. They would have told me to say sorry, to clear the air, to make things better than they were at the moment. But Lola and Grandad Ortiz were gone. Dead.

So I wasn't going to sorry at this moment.

But I unlocked the library door and went downstairs.

To my utter surprise, Victor was crying. His puffy red eyes looked straight in mine, and then they fell on the book. He walked away, probably to go to his spot on the mountain.

I opened my mouth to say sorry to my parents, but all the managed to escape was a frail croak. _I'm sorry. _I told my parents. _I miss him. _I confessed.

_We know, honey, but his job just stresses him out, that's all. _Mom comforted.

_Can we have paella tonight?_

_I'm sure we can figure something out. _Mom smiled.

I nodded lightly, smiled one of those smiles that might make them less angry at me, and then went to find Trace for that hug he'd been waiting to give me since the morning.

He was sitting in the games room with Will, Uriel and Zed.

"Trace?" I croaked. He turned towards me.

"I could really do with a hug." I told him feebly.

He stood up immediately and got to me within 2 strides. "Come here." He whispered before pulling me into one his special big brother hugs.

Maybe it would be OK after all.

_**AN:**_

_**OMG! I AM SO SORRY! I didn't know it would be this long for me to update, I feel so completely terrible that I'm going to make a promise to you; every week I will update. And if I don't you can tell me off and hate me forever.**_

_**So I'm going to shut up now because I need to start writing up chapter 4 and starting chapter 5.**_

_**LOVE YOU GUYS! 3**_

_**Lizzy xxxxx**_

_**Song of the day: Who You Are – Jessie J**_


	4. Nightmare Girl

_**AN: OK! I NEVER DO THIS BUT JUST A WARNING. THERE'S A BIT OF DEATH, AND EMOTIONAL MUSH :S HOPE YOU ENJOY IT :D**_

His grip tightened on the gun. Grandad stared him down, not letting his attacker see the pain and fear that was surrounding him. A small amount of blood trickled down the side of Grandad's face.

"Give me your money, old man." The gun wielder demanded.

"Show me your face, young man." Grandad said, a small hint of a smile tugged at his lips, and twinkled in his eyes, but he couldn't show it, else he'd be hit again.

"DON'T BE CLEVER WITH ME!" The kidnapper shouted. Grandad flinched ever so slightly. "GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING MONEY!"

"You won't get it if you talk to me like that." Grandad was keeping his cool. "Show me your face. I won't tell anyone who you are, or what you look like. I'll even give you the money I've got."

"Grandad's words didn't calm the kidnapper's fury. Grandad was knocked onto the damp of the garage he was being held in. Grandad's fragile bones chipped and fractured.

I could see he was in pain, I could feel it too, but I couldn't stop it. I should be able to stop it. But what could a small nine year old girl do?

Nothing.

Aunty Valentina was crying.

Losing her father, Grandad Ortiz, still hurt. Still made her heart break into a million pieces every time she looked at the picture of her father and mother on their wedding day. That was my favourite picture of Grandad and Grandma Ortiz.

Aunty Valentina was alone as well. She was 50, with no children and no soulfinder. That's what hurt her the most. All her siblings apart from Lorretta had had children.

Four out of the five child-bearing siblings were with their soulfinder.

Aunty Valentina felt alone and unloved… but she was loved.

Mom loved her. Uncle Adriano loved her. Aunty Lorretta loved her. Uncle Emanuel loved her. Aunty Edita loved her. Even Aunty Orquidia loved her.

I loved her.

The rest of her nieces and nephews loved her. Grandma Ortiz loved her. Grandad Ortiz loved her from beyond the grave. Dad loved her. Dad's family loved her.

She was loved _so much_, but she couldn't see it because the pain of her father's death and the loneliness of no partner, no soulfinder, no children, clouded her vision… blinded her from happiness.

She got out a pen and started writing, what would be her last letter.

I could see that she was hurting, I could feel that she was hurting, but I couldn't stop it. I should be able to stop it. But what could a small ten year old girl do?

Nothing.

Lola and Michael had one last kiss before getting in their car. Michael drove the car carefully, not wanting to crash On Christmas Day, plus he liked my Mom, because the bond between his soulfinder and her was strong. So naturally, he didn't want to jeopardise their meeting on Christmas Day.

The roads were icing over and a light sprinkling of snow started to fall.

"I can't think of a better way to tell Aunt Karla and Uncle Saul, Michael." Lola beamed.

"I know, honey… It's just like telling your parents all over again." Michael replied. He kept his eyes on the road, although he'd much rather have looked at Lola while saying it.

"And we get to see all my cousins. I haven't spoken to Alexis in ages." It was nice to know Lola was missing me.

"I love Alexis, she is so cute when she tries to stand up to her big brothers." It was also nice to know that my favourite cousin's soulfinder was quite attached to me as well. "And to think, she'll be my cousin in law one day." Michael said.

He couldn't help it this time, he had to take a glance at Lola. She smiled as their eyes connected. Michael's eyes returned to the road. Lola's new engagement ring sparkled under the light of a passing , faster moving, car.

It was beautiful, a silver ring with three diamonds set in the middle. Those three diamonds were surrounded by 6 rubies each.

Rubies were Lola's favourite gem.

On the inside of the ring, the words_ Eternal Love _were etched delicately. It was a beautiful ring… a ring I wouldn't mind being proposed to with.

The man took one last swig of beer, before chucking the can out of his truck window. The extreme amount of alcohol he had consumed failed to let him know that the furious speed he was travelling at, was not appropriate. The alcohol also failed to let him know he was on the wrong side of the road.

Michael and Lola were on the right side of the road.

They saw the truck heading towards them and fear struck through both of their hearts.

I could see they were scared, I could feel they were scared, but I couldn't stop it. I should be able to stop it. But what could a small thirteen year old girl do?

Nothing.

The kidnapper clicked the trigger into place. Grandad groaned in pain.

_Alexis, my darling granddaughter... Tell your father how thankful I am to him, for looking after your mother, all these years, and for being a complete gentleman. He really has done so much for our family, and we love him very much._

_Tell your brothers, and your cousins, how __**proud **__I am of them all, and how I wish their lives will be successful and fulfilling in every way possible. _

_Tell your fathers family that I am privileged and honoured to have spent so many years being good friends with them. Tell your uncles and aunts from all over the world that I am so grateful towards them for making my children happy and for providing me with such wonderful grandchildren._

_Tell your 2 uncles that they have been the best sons, and I honestly didn't deserve such a blessing as them. Tell your aunties and your mother that they are the most beautiful women in this world and that they truly are god's gift to me._

_Tell your grandma that the many years I have spent with her, have not only been the best of my life, but the best any man could ever experience. I love her with all my heart, even after I die, I will still love her. No woman in the universe or the history of man's existence on this earth is as beautiful, amazing or compassionate as her. _

_And you._

_Carry on our gift. I'm glad you're the one who inherited your grandma and I's gift. Use it well, my darling. Speak to me still, even after I die, I don't think I'd be able to survive the afterlife if I didn't have your voice for company._

_I love everyone so much, Alexis. I'll miss everyone greatly._

A few of Aunty Valentina's tears hit the paper before her pen did.

_**Dear Alexis,**_

_**I know you are watching me, I can feel the shadow of your presence in my mind.**_

_**Please don't be scared.**_

_**What I'm doing is the best option for me. No more life means no more pain… I miss your grandfather more and more every day, words cannot describe the pain I feel, knowing he's not here anymore.**_

_**Being alone doesn't help make me happy. I am stupid and incompetent enough to not have found my souldfinder at the age of fifty.**_

_**I won't be able to get married or have children like I'd always dreamed of.**_

_**I love my sisters and my brothers, my nieces and my nephews and my mother. I love you, keep it a secret but you're the nicest out of all the Ortiz (and Benedict) children.**_

_**Look after yourself, sweetheart.**_

_**Goodbye.**_

Lola managed to scramble a few words together, to say bye to everyone.

_Alexis we love your whole family, we love everyone we know. Let them all know it. If our bodies are recovered from the crash, I want you to have my engagement ring, and your Mom to have my necklace. I love you, baby cuz. Bye._

The gun shot rang out.

The rope fastened round Aunty Valentina's neck.

The car and truck collided.

Grandad died.

Aunty Valentina died.

Michael and Lola died.

"GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING, MONEY!" The man's voice rang out in my ears. Tears dripped down my face as I secured the rope around my neck. I screamed in unison with myself as the truck was about to hit us.

"YOU WANT TO SEE MY FACE; I'LL SHOW YOU MY FUCKING FACE!" The kidnapper pulled the balaclava off his head, and then he rolled me over onto my front. I took a small walk up the stairs, I was going to die now, and I was ready. I took my own hand and stole one last kiss just before we were hit.

The kidnapper shot me in the chest. I jumped from the top step. The truck hit us.

It all went black.

I jolted awake, screaming. Trace, Victor, Will and Zed burst into my room almost instantly. I was soaked with sweat, my hair was a mess, from tossing and turning during my nightmare. "Alexis?" Trace asked, worried out of his mind.

"He's in prison. The gun man, he's in prison, and…and Aunty Valentina's soulfinder will always be alone too, and the truck driver, he died, he died as well." I babbled hysterically, trying to somehow comfort myself.

"Angel. Angel, it was just a nightmare, it's going to go away. Everything's fine, everybody's fine." Zed soothed, he was by my bed, looking into my eyes. I knew he, Yves and Xav had been used to those dreams nearly every single day since Christmas Day, 2007.

Lola and Michael's death had turned me into the unsociable bitch I was today. It had sent me over the edge.

The fact I had witnessed four members of Mom's family die, stopped me caring, being nice. Stopped me from gaining friends in High school the year later. It had ruined my life.

"What's happening?" Will asked then.

"She sees them dying again, Will. Every single night. Just sometimes she doesn't wake up from it." Zed explained, as if I wasn't there.

I need the letters, their last words, I needed them close to my chest. I needed Zed, or Yves or Xav's muscly arms wrapped around me, rocking me back and forth, soothing me back to sleep. I needed my old Victor back. I needed La Reina Mora.

I pushed myself out of bed. Got the box with my very first copy of La Reina Mora, my last picture of me and Victor, Grandad's last words, Lola's last words and Aunty Valentina's letter.

My brothers all took in sharp breaths. I'd forgotten they didn't know about this, only Mom, Dad, Grandma Ortiz, Uncle Emanuel and Aunty Tallulah knew about that box.

"Why are they in there?" Victor asked shakily.

I looked at him, coldly. Knowing that I couldn't make it up anymore. I couldn't hide it from him, although I would have much rather not spoken them to him at all.

"Because you went from Vick to Victor. You're not my bestest big brother anymore. You're not my best friend anymore." I told him.

He left the room.

I didn't care.

"You guys don't have to be here. It's your last day tomorrow don't waste your sleep on me." I whispered. Trace and Will exchanged glances before coming towards me, they both kissed my forehead before leaving the room.

"You want me to stay here?" Zed asked gently.

"Of course." I smiled.

I didn't understand how I could make light of this situation.

"Ok angel, budge up." Zed smiled too. I did as I was told and made space for Zed.

"I love you, Zed." I told him, as he lay next to me. I laid down then as well, and rested my head on his chest.

"And I love you too, Alexis." He whispered to me.

At least he understood me.

_**AN:**_

_**WOW! Even I cried when I wrote this chapter :S**_

_**I know this is confusing, I know you guys will be like, what on Earth is she on about? But all will explained soon my little ones :D**_

_**And for those of you wondering about Johnny, there's more than meets the eye but it's not what you think!**_

_**I think you guys will love this story as much as you do, it's getting gooooood :D**_

_**Oh and sorry for going all depressive on you for a bit, but it was needed to make Alexis's personality make sense.**_

_**LOVE. YOU. ALL.**_

_**Lizzy xxxxxx**_


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